GOING POSTAL
by Keridwen
Summary: SEQUAL to One Really Weird Day- encouraged by reviews- More cameo's in, I Luv you guys, great stuff. Chapter three. EVERYBODY EAT CHEESE R&R Thanx
1. I see the color Purple- it's pretty!

In response to reviews, here is a sequel to One Really Weird Day using suggestions you have sent to me through reviews (Thanx Charmenga, Meredith T, Elf/Vampire… and the rest CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! I want this one to be partially interactive, so send suggestions through reviews; I really want to see what happens when a collective star trek group mind pools their resources.  
  
This may get a little messy  
  
  
  
HeHeHe.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
1.1.1 GOING POSTAL  
  
BY: Keridwen  
  
  
  
Yet another ordinary day for the crew of the starship Enterprise.  
  
Kirk had come on to the bridge with his morning coffee. Lt. Uhura had left five minutes later after the Captain spilled it all over her when yet another freak ion storm flared up. The ship shook for a few minutes and Scotty ran in distress to his engine room to make sure not a bolt fell out of place. Uhura returned with a new uniform, and tried to see whom she could contact through the storm. As usual nobody could be reached. Although they were close to five star bases and three other starships, the ion storm effectively sealed them off (Again) from the rest of the universe.  
  
"I believe it is time to batten down the hatches," said Kirk, "this looks like it is going to be a very long storm."  
  
(He checks the chronometer)  
  
"Ah, looks like gamma shift is about to come on. Well people, it's time to have a break, Uhura, call Lt. Stanton to the bridge. She can hold down the fort until we get back."  
  
(Uhura to comm. Board)  
  
Lt. Stanton to the bridge. Report for Gamma mid shift duty."  
  
Deep inside the ship, a female voice screamed, "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
  
  
((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))) ))))))))))  
  
  
  
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER  
  
  
  
Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored Bored BORED!!!  
  
Lt. Eliza Marie Stanton was on the bridge alone.  
  
Again.  
  
"Bored Bored nothing here to do, I feel like I'm in a zoo. Hey! This could be a song if only I had a kazoo!"  
  
Looking around and realizing that she was talking to herself, Eliza stopped giggling like a maniac.  
  
/OK. Time to find something to do/, she thought.  
  
  
  
"Stanton to rec room one, is any body down there!"  
  
  
  
(From the Comm.) Go Go Go Go Go Go ! YEAAAAAHHHHH! Sulu won! Ohmygod! I've never seen somebody drink so much chocolate milk! HeHe! He is going to blow chunks! No he's not! Wanna make a bet!"  
  
  
  
Eliza sighed and turned off the intercom. She needed a new job in a bad way.  
  
  
  
She twirled around in the command chair, her long blonde hair flying around her head, trying to think of something to do.  
  
/Well, I could always analyze the ion storm; see if there are any interesting phenomena out there/.  
  
She turned on the view screen to see what was out side. Last time it had been a Klingon Bird of Prey, (Or was it? Her memory was still fuzzy from last week. She could have sworn she'd seen one, but she couldn't say when).  
  
Maybe there would be something out there.  
  
  
  
The swirling patterns of the ion storm filled the screen. There were lights and sounds. She felt herself reach for the chair. She missed and fell to the ground, moaning and rubbing her eyes.  
  
"Computer, return view screen to normal magnification!" she screamed as sounds and senses assaulted her mind. The view screen had been on magnification 300. She had just seen the storm in its sub particle state. It was experience that had been proven to be harmful to the human eyes. Sometimes people who saw it went insane.  
  
  
  
"Ooohhhhhh."  
  
  
  
  
  
When she finally got up and opened her eyes, they were glowing purple.  
  
  
  
#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#  
  
  
  
  
  
"Spock."  
  
"Yes Captain."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Building a small replica of the great temple of Shirikani on Vulcan."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yes, I believe I have it at the accurate dimensions, one inch equaling one meter."  
  
That was enough of an answer for Kirk, who really could care less what his crew did to unwind.  
  
Doctor McCoy, however, was another matter.  
  
"Spock, You're playing with Legos."  
  
"I don't believe playing is an accurate term, Doctor. I am building a replica.."  
  
"Yeah, Yeah, I heard. The great temple of Logic. Why."  
  
"These are not the childs toy you refer to, Doctor, they are interconnecting blocks that rely on accurate position to maintain their state of equilibrium, it is a test in visual measurements and in the steadiness of ones hand."  
  
"Wha… SPEAK ENGLISH SPOCK!"  
  
"I believe I am, Doctor."  
  
Kirk put a hand on McCoy's arm before his blood pressure started to soar.  
  
"Bones, it's like a house made out of a deck of cards, or the game of Jenga. One wrong move and the whole place goes down."  
  
"Precisely Captain."  
  
"AAAIIIIEEEEEEEE, Die evil devils! I am Xena: The Warrior Princess! I am here to avenge those whom you have murdered. So prepared to have your faces kicked in!"  
  
Everyone looked up at the railing where LT. Stanton stood with a sword strapped to her back, (I thought I got rid of all of those, thought Kirk) and a dinner plate in her hand.  
  
"Lt. Stanton, Get down here!" shouted Kirk.  
  
That was the least effective thing he could have done. Eliza fixed her glowing purple eyes upon the Captain and grinned evilly.  
  
"Feel my wrath!"  
  
She jumped and flipped in mid air to land ten feet directly in front of Kirk. As she came down, she flung the dinner plate at the Captain who had to duck really fast to avoid it. Then she drew her sword and charged.  
  
"AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEE!"  
  
Everybody ran.  
  
  
  
NOTE: I don't own Jenga, Legos, or Xena.  
  
1.2 


	2. Peter of the Bright Pink Socks joins the...

Disclaimer: Here we go again! I don't claim star trek, and if you want to know about the other stuff that goes on in here you must talk with one of my evil associates/ reviewers – He He-  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Going Postal- Chapter 2  
  
Peter of the Bright Pink Socks joins the Space Cadet.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ensign Chekov was one very tired navigator. He had been in his room for two hours now, and that was probably a record for him this week. He had been on call for the last three days, and BOY had they called!  
  
  
  
"Chekov do this! Chekov do that!" he ranted as he threw articles of clothing out of his drawer searching for his favorite flannel socks. "Chekov change course! Chekov analyze the ion storm! Vell I hev had enough! I'll give them something to analyze!  
  
It appeared that Chekov was also in a very bad mood. He decided that what he needed was a nice big plate of Kasha to calm his nerves. He moved toward his door, and when it opened, he met a freight train of people running by and screaming. A moment later, Lt. Stanton came around the corner holding a sword like a samurai warrior."  
  
"AAIIEEEEE!"  
  
Silently, Chekov let his door slide shut on the chaos outside.  
  
/Ok, he thought, time to relax; now you are starting to see things/  
  
He sat down at his desk and put on his socks, which had once been red, but had accidentally been bleached when Lt. Uhura hadn't been paying attention and had put them in the fabricator with her white socks. Neither of them had been happy with pink socks, but their uniform boots covered up the color, and Chekov wasn't one to waste perfectly good socks.  
  
He called up the book he had been reading about Peter the Great, and turned on his screen. The book was just getting good, Peter had just joined the Great Northern Alliance in preparation for an invasion of Sweden. Chekov looked at his screen, but instead of the Great Russian Tzar, he saw…………… Colors.  
  
"OOOHhhhhhhhhhhhhh."  
  
Fumbling and moaning, he managed to turn off the screen. He rubbed his eyes and staggered over to his dresser. His eyes were purple.  
  
"We will soon put the rebellion down," he growled to himself, "I am not the Emperor of all the Russias for nothing!"  
  
With is purple eyes and pink socks, he staggered, half dressed, out the door.  
  
  
  
  
  
………………………………………………………………………  
  
  
  
Two Minutes Later  
  
(In Sickbay)  
  
"Ok, extend your third finger. Mmhmm. Ok, now the other two. Alright, looks good, there is no stiffness there?"  
  
Nurse Chapel looked into the exam area and smiled. Her two favorite non- humans were at it again. Just like the Captain and Dr. McCoy, these two had a special relationship that was expressed through jokes, loyalty, friendship, and an intense hatred of physicals.  
  
"Now, raise your arm and twist your wrist."  
  
"In my culture that is the equivalent of flicking someone off. Are you sure you want me to do that."  
  
"Yes, sickbay physicals are non-culture specific."  
  
As usual, Dr. Serita, a small Corellian Doctor that had joined the crew at the same time Captain Kirk had, was all business and no fun. She took her work seriously as a Doctor and as Chief botanist of the Enterprise, and never let herself stray from her professional manner while on duty. She still blushed when someone mentioned her accident with the liquid aspirin. They still hadn't figured out how she had gotten exposed to it, but the events of that day were fuzzy in everyone's mind.  
  
Today she was examining Charmega, Chapel's favorite seven-foot tall dragon lady. Charmega was sitting on the edge of an examining table, swinging her legs and beating her wings in a rapid motion, a product of nervousness over the physical and the twenty-ounce Mountain Dew in her hand. She had all the symptoms of massive attention deficit disorder, and only those who knew her better, and knew her species, understood the special talents she really had.  
  
"Can't you see with out that little beeping thingy that I am perfectly OK!"  
  
"Hey, gimme that!"  
  
The scanner Dr. Serita had been using to examine her was now hovering near the ceiling.  
  
Dr. Serita jumped up and down, trying to grab it but Charmega, using her psychokinetic powers, would always keep it a few inched out of her reach. Dr. Serita frowned at her patient, knowing what Charmega was trying to get her to do, and it seemed that if she wanted her scanner back she would have to do it. She kneeled low to the ground and sprung into the air. Beating her wings rapidly and steadily to avoid the low ceiling of sickbay, she flew toward her scanner. Charmega began to move the little object around, and soon the dragon lady began rolling on the ground with laughter carefully so as not to burn anything with her fiery tail, as she watched the doctor chase the scanner all over the room.  
  
"Char, this isn't very funny."  
  
"Sez who!"  
  
"Come on, stop playing around. Give me my scanner."  
  
"Say uncle."  
  
"You've got to be kidding me."  
  
"Say it."  
  
"Uncle."  
  
"Ok." The scanner slowly floated to the ground and the air bound Doctor followed it.  
  
"I still think you should fly more around the crew." Said Char, "It's cool."  
  
"Why do you want me to exhibit such a scene all of the time. Nobody else flies, why should I."  
  
"Because you can, that's why."  
  
"I can walk too. At the moment that is what I wish to remain doing if you don't mind."  
  
"Oh, self conscious aren't we!"  
  
"Stop fooling around. We have to test your E and P ratings now."  
  
"Oooh fun."  
  
"If you say so. Now concentrate, tell me what is going to happen a minute from now."  
  
"This is where Chapel came in. She had been waiting outside the door so Charmega could predict her entry into the room. Frequent testing of Charmega's clairvoyance helped them to chart her progress. With the help of tutoring lessons from Mr. Spock she was extending her range of sight into the future at a slow but constant rate. According to her teacher, it was a highly fascinating phenomenon.  
  
"OK, tell me."  
  
"Hang on, I'm concentrating. Wait a second… Oh my gosh, are you sure you want to hear this!"  
  
"Um, yes."  
  
"In the next minute there will be a general alert. Be aware of Lt. Stanton, armed and dangerous. Then Peter the Great will charge through that door with pink socks and declare himself ruler and protector of the Enterprise. Then he will steal your hypo spray and run out and you and I will follow."  
  
Charmega opened her eyes and looked at the dumbfounded Doctor.  
  
"Are you in shape for a big chase, we may get a lot of exercise over the next few hours. You might want to stretch out or something."  
  
"WHAT!!!"  
  
(Over the comm.) "Attention all crew members. Be on alert for Lt. Stanton. She is considered armed and dangerous. Do not try and subdue her. Notify security and avoid all contact."  
  
"Wahahahaha!" cried Chekov as he burst into the room, "I am the Great Peter the Great, Great Emperor and Benevolent ruler of this ship. Bow to ME!"  
  
"Chekov, what the heck!"  
  
The deranged Ensign pushed Dr. Serita into Charmega, and stole a hypo spray. He then shot out of the door proclaiming his intentions to kill all of the infidels on deck seventeen. Charmega looked at Serita as the rushed out the door.  
  
"Hah, I told you so."  
  
  
  
  
  
Author note: thanks for the cameo info Charmega! Anyone else want in, I have auditions for maybe two more minor roles, but only two, I have some surprises of my own coming up. I don't own Mt. Dew, nor (I am sorry to admit) do I drink it. I tried it once and now have two-hour blank spot in my memory for that day. Anyhoo. Read and review. I'm getting good stuff! (Please put Cameo stuff on the review board, I am currently experiencing a lot of annoying technical difficulties with my e-mail) 


	3. Kitties and Krazy People

Well here is the next chapter as promised. Um….. I am going to go hide in my nuclear fallout shelter with my fish now. I think I committed sacrilege. Please review.  
  
  
  
DC: Star Trek Belongs to Paramount (pause) everybody eat cheese.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Three – Spock on Formal Dinner Dresses for the Female Crewmember:  
  
And The Real Reason why there are Crewmen with Beanies Squirting People with Squirt Guns on the Enterprise.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"So, what do you think, Spock? Do you like the pink dress or the green dress better?"  
  
  
  
Spock, who was perched at his usual position on the edge of Commander T'Kaia's bed, merely yawned and stretched his legs out in front of him. T'Kaia sighed, not at all surprised at her cat's indifference.  
  
  
  
"Ok, the green one it is. You have very good taste, Spock."  
  
  
  
"Thank you, Commander."  
  
  
  
"Aarugh! Spock! What are you doing here?"  
  
  
  
As Spock the person, not Spock the cat, walked through the door, he raised an eyebrow at the pile of dresses on the bed and the sleepy cat lying watch over them.  
  
"I have come to inform you that the dance has been momentarily canceled because of an interpersonal problem aboard the ship. I hope that this doesn't interfere too much with your plans."  
  
  
  
"Our plans."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
  
  
T'Kaia fumed.  
  
  
  
She plopped herself on the bed over the rejected dresses, and tucked her black hair behind one gracefully pointed ear. Here green brown eyes sparked a warning that Spock failed to notice.  
  
  
  
"Aren't you just a little bit disappointed Spock? This is the first formal dance that the Enterprise has held since I've been here. Weren't you looking forward to dancing with me?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, you are most apt in the art. You do not step on my toes."  
  
  
  
"Oh shut up, Spock, you know what I mean."  
  
  
  
(Silence)  
  
  
  
"WWEEEELLLLLLL, aren't you going to say something?"  
  
  
  
"I believe you just told me to shut up."  
  
  
  
"AAARRRRUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH! Get outta here!"  
  
  
  
Spock retreated from the room behind a barrage of dresses, shoes and various other party wear being thrown at him, wondering where he had gone wrong.  
  
  
  
---------------------------______________--------------------------------  
  
  
  
Deep in the bowels of the ship, Deep, deep deep where no one has ever gone before.  
  
  
  
Aw here just let me describe it. If you go down the hidden turbo shaft at the back of sickbay, and hang a left… and then left again, and then go down a ladder that is rusted, and through Jeffries tube that is filed with spider webs, (don't say it I know! I know! Spiders on the Enterprise? Just don't cook me for dinner for this one!) which smelled of Klingon and worse, is a small room with one console. It is the intraship communications station. The great switchboard of the ship. Anyway, where was I…. Ohyeah!  
  
  
  
  
  
Deep, Deep, Waaaaaaay down deep in the ship was the cause of all the turmoil.  
  
  
  
  
  
Squinting at the screen in front of her Lt. Meredith Tasaki was laughing her head off at the ruckus on deck ten.  
  
Chekov was in the midst of reviewing his army. A sorry bunch of deck hands who happened to be in the wrong mess hall al the wrong time. Chekov had burst in with a phaser and had demanded their immediate allegiance to him.  
  
  
  
"You all vill be my right hand men, or left hand, which ever you prefer." Said Chekov as he marched up and down the line of quivering recruits. "I will grant each of you a piece of the spoils of this war once we are through. Collins, you are a good man, you get Austria!"  
  
  
  
"Y..yes sir," said poor Collins who was from the colony planet of Darnvar, and didn't know where the heck Austria even was.  
  
  
  
"You, Egerson, get to rule Siberia. It is a touch to chilly for my taste up there, all I am interested in is the warm water ports of Sweden to boost the economy of our beloved country."  
  
  
  
"Aye Aye, sir," said Egerson, who was a black skinned Jamaican and the last person on the ship who wanted to be doomed to rule a place comparable to Rura Penthe.  
  
  
  
"All right, we attack now. And remember, old soldiers never die, nobody lives forever, Carpe Diem, and charge."  
  
The small troop marched off in front of Chekov, who was still holding the phaser, while he demanded that they address him as Your Highness, General Pavel, or O Captain, my Captain.  
  
  
  
"Tee Heee Haaa Hah!" cried Lt. Meredith Tasaki as she switched to a view of Stanton Swinging from a rope in Sickbay demanding that no one but herself could enter the Temple of Doom. Doctor McCoy and Nurse Chapel stood in the door, held up by a portable forcefeild that Eliza had stole from the munitions department. Doctor McCoy was in the middle of telling her that is she didn't let him in this very instant, he was going to show her a real temple on the surface of Calista three where the natives buried their sacrifices alive after administering an unique form of acupuncture that attracts flesh eating sand wasps.  
  
  
  
"Oh this is to good to pass up." Mumbled Tasaki.  
  
She punched a few controls, and did something complicated and unexplainable to the intraship scanners, and then she looked happily at the screen.  
  
  
  
"Time to take your medicine Doc!"  
  
  
  
She pushed a large red button near the top of the board, and on the screen, an energy surge flashed through the portable forcefeild that was blocking the entrance to sickbay. It shown with an eerie blue glow and then solidified into a myriad of colors. The Doctor and the Nurse clamed their hands over their eyes a minute to late. They had seen Tasaki's little present.  
  
  
  
"Tee Hee HaHa!" she cried softly as McCoy removed his hands from his eyes. They were glowing purple. He smirked and leaned over to Christine.  
  
  
  
"Ya know what?"  
  
  
  
"What."  
  
  
  
"I know the secret of the universe!"  
  
  
  
"Ooooo, whatisit!"  
  
  
  
"Promise not to tell."  
  
  
  
"I promise."  
  
  
  
He leaned in closer to her, and Tasaki had to turn up the incoming signal to hear. She also leaned forward to listen the secret of the universe.  
  
  
  
"The secret is…………….. slinkys."  
  
  
  
Tasaki jumped up and cried with laughter. Finally she had done it! Grinning with glee she grabbed her chair and spun it around.  
  
  
  
"It worked, it worked, it worked it worked!" she sung.  
  
  
  
She now had total control of the Enterprise. With half the crew under the effects of the ion storm, thanks to her manipulation of the screens, forcefeilds, and computer monitors all over the ship, and the other half chasing that half, she had no one to give her orders.  
  
  
  
"No more yes sir, right away sir, let me lick you boots sir, I'll get that right away for you sir! I am free, free to do what ever I want."  
  
But now, what was she going to do. Tasaki slumped in her seat, for a moment deflated. Then a small smile slowly spread across her face. She began to turn on every screen in the communications room. Scenes of the corridors of the Enterprise bean to fill with episodes of Pokemon, Sailor Moon, ER, Digimon, and a variety of other anime style cartoons from years ago. A TV junkies paradise. She sighed and ordered a margarita from the food replicator.  
  
Life was good. 


End file.
